Should Kids Be in the Main Church Service or Children's Program?
Two Christian Perspectives (plus video)
View A: So if you’re a parent and you go to church, you’ve probably faced this conundrum–should my kids sit in the service with me or should I send them to the children’s program? I want to tell you…
View B: Yeah, what is your take on this? Because honestly I’ve gone back and forth.
View A: Well, I was going to start by saying there’s a real benefit when your kids sit with you because it’s good for them to learn what it’s like to participate in a worship service, they learn by doing. For example, how else will they know what communion is unless they see you do it?
View B: Fair point. But when your kids go to a children’s program they get to experience worship in a way that’s designed with them in mind. Worship is more than just the service you know. Plus, kids ministry is fun.
View A: Sitting in the service can be fun!
View B: *Side eye*
View A: I mean, some churches have smoke machines…or liturgical dancing…or… you can make the service more fun with an activity page and crayons!
View B: So your kids can color absentmindedly for an hour, NOT learning, when the alternative is a program designed specifically for their education and developmental level…
View A: Ok maybe fun isn’t the word. But not everything has to be fun. There’s a value to learning to do things that aren’t fun. Kids’ attention spans are so short these days it’s important to help them learn how to sit still sometimes.
View B: They can learn that so many other ways. Take them to a play! When they’re in church they can benefit from a program geared for them.
View A: So much of kids’ lives are geared for them. It’s a good thing for them to learn how to exist in an adult-centered space.
View B: Those parts of their lives that are kid-oriented aren’t necessarily discipleship oriented. But a kids program at church is specifically designed for them to learn about Jesus in a way that makes sense to them.
View A: Or in a way that is watered down.
View B: Because they’re getting so much out of the sermon?
View A: And so many programs use screens! As if I don’t spend all week trying to keep them away from them.
View B: Lots of worship services use screens too, showing lyrics, little videos, announcements. And of course you should know what kind of program your church has. But odds are, even if they do use screens, it’s just part of their curriculum. And one way to find that out is to talk to your kids after church in the car on the way home. “What did you learn about today”? And then you share what happened at grown up church.
View A: But if they’re in “grown-up church” with you, you can discuss what you all experienced together. Which songs did you like best? What did you think about that story the preacher told during the message? Wasn’t it cool when that person got baptized?
View B: Shared experience is great, but so is having your kids practice retelling something they learned and having the opportunity to teach you something too.
View A: If they remember long enough to get to the car and tell me.
View B: Well they’re more likely to remember if it was something fun.
View A: Fun. Because everything needs to be fun.
View B: No, not everything needs to be fun, but aren’t there enough reasons to not want to go to church? You have to get up in the morning. Sometimes you have to dress up. You don’t get to stay at home or go do something else. If there’s a way to make church a little more enticing and associate good memories with the experience, isn’t that worth it?
View A: Unless it leads you to expect your spiritual life to be fun all the time. Or for your personal entertainment to be the goal. Living faithfully isn’t always about fun, and starting to develop habits training you to endure a little can pay off in the long run.
View B: Or it can turn you off to the whole idea entirely.
View A: Don’t you think it’s possible for kids to experience a small taste of the transcendent sitting in a worship service?
View B: Absolutely. I also think they can experience it in a classroom down the hall with their awesome volunteers. Which is another reason kids programs are so great. It allows kids to get to know other adults and teenagers in the church. The more people they know, the more familiar church will feel.
View A: But by putting them in a children’s program you’re sequestering them away from all the other adults and teenagers who attend the normal service. They miss out on seeing the full gathered communion of believers. It’s so valuable to see other people worshiping together.
View B: And it’s important for them to see their peers engaging with God too. Children’s church gives them a chance to see kids like them asking questions, singing songs, and learning about God. And about those other people in the service. Let’s say your kids aren’t the sit-still-all-the-time-type. Isn’t it a blessing for the other worshipers to have the kids in a separate space so they aren’t distracting others?
View A: Perhaps for some. But for other people it’s such a blessing to see little ones in the pews. Even if they’re being a little rambunctious. Not everyone has children in their daily life and by bringing them into the service you are sharing them with others.
View B: How about the worship leader or pastor that gets interrupted by the squawking child or the rowdy preschooler? It’s hard to present a message when there are clearly antsy kids.
View A: But what an opportunity if those people can see it that way! To know that there are kids in the service is a chance to choose songs that are easy to learn so the kids are engaged. Add some more humor or stories into your preaching, it’s not just the kids who benefit from those. If a pastor has a hard time communicating a truth to a child, I’m not convinced they’re doing that well with the adults either.
View B: But kids are only an opportunity if those other people in the church think of them that way. Otherwise they can feel more like a burden. It’s a lot of pressure to keep your kids well behaved during a whole service. It can be stressful. By putting them in a kids program you’re able to focus more on the message yourself.
View A: But if they’re not with you that doesn’t mean you’re not worried about them. Especially if they’re younger, you might end up checking your phone twice as much to see if you’re being paged to go back and help them use the potty or something. And so many parents don’t get that much time with their kids during the week, sitting in the service together might be one of the few times that they’re all together, doing the same thing.
View B: You’re sitting together, but that doesn’t make it quality time. Especially if most of your interactions between each other are “shush” and “stop that” and “it’s almost over”. It can be difficult to parent in public.
View A: That’s fair. Even when the kids are doing well you have to check yourself so you don’t end up feeling superior to those other kids who are needing to be shushed more than yours.
View C: You know, some churches find a way to do both! You can have the kids in the first part of the service and dismiss them midway. You can have a kids program but make once a month a kid-friendly general service that everyone experiences together!
View A: That’s great, but not all churches do those things.
View B: Yeah, what about the rest of us that have to make a choice?
View C: Well, just saying…
View A: Which brings me back to what I was going to say in the first place. Before you interrupted. God can be honored in either choice. It’s not something that is one-size-fits all. It’s not even something that is a single choice for all time! You might go through seasons and life stages where each one makes more sense. Our family certainly has. But what matters is being in church, in that community, even when you have to make the hard choices.
View B: And not judging the families that make choices that are different right?
View C: Or churches that do things differently!
View A: Exactly. And whatever choice your family makes, we want to help you. Sign up for our email list and we have a free download for you with 10 tips on how to make the most of keeping your kids in the service, AND 10 tips on how to make the most of your church’s children’s ministry.
View B: If you want to learn more about God with us, like and subscribe!
View C: And leave a comment on our YouTube video telling us how your church does it!
Discussion Questions
How has your family navigated this issue in the past?
What pros and cons have you found for either position?
What advice would you give a young family looking to decide how to handle this question?
Are there any theological ideas/passages in the Bible that help guide your thinking?
How can you support families in your congregation as they work through this idea?